- Image by stevec77 via Flickr
Building a retirement lifestyle means knowing who you are.
Lately I have been struggling with this very important question. What is amazing is that I have experienced this struggle all through my life. And with each struggle I thought I knew the answer. I should have been suspicious when I continued to repeat the struggle. I should have understood that that I was being superficial. I should have known that instead of searching my heart, I was modeling a role. Because I thought that the role that I played in life defined me. When I was a student, I defined myself by the school I attended. After school, it became the job that I held. Occasionally, I would define myself by my family but I strenuously avoided searching my soul to find out what truly defined me.
Now, as I start my life in retirement, I am again trying to determine what is important to me; what makes my compass point north and how to unleash my passion, Now, I wonder how I was ever satisfied with such superficial definitions of me. Why was appearance and association more important than my core values.. I think I learned it. What is it about our society that says that our value comes from associations and not within? Perhaps it is just clever marketing by the education establishment and corporations but I do think that human beings crave the comfort and security of associating with powerful institutions. And I think it is human nature to want to associate with strength.
Retirement leaves you naked and exposed
Today I am free from any associations. Nobody cares what school I went to or who I work for. I am only what I present to the world. The problem is that after all the years of association, I don’t know who I am and what I want. I don’t know how to make a statement about me that defines my life and my actions. After all these years of dependency, can I learn how to stand on my own, make a difference for me and the people I know? It is a challenge because if I refuse to stand up, my life will trickle away with no meaning and no legacy.
I frittered away the early part of my deferring to other priorities. I accepted dependency as a price for my definition of success. I was duped. The promises that made dependency look so attractive were lies. I am searching my soul to find my drivers in life. Better late than never. But many people still deny themselves because they believe the lies that dependency will help them succeed. If you are caught up in a life defined by association, take a minute and ask yourself who you are if the job or the organization goes away. If you don’t know, you can either find out now or wait until you retire – like me. You will face this question sometime and my experience suggests that answering it earlier is better than later.
Time to step up
In retirement, I need to know who I am and nobody cares about my degrees and job title. The only thing that matters is how I treat people; what information or services I can give and the quality of that interchange. I don’t think this means that I must become a different person. It is just that who I am rather than who I seem to be never seemed to be the important part of the definition of me – until now. In this new world, none of these qualities will matter but until then what is important about me is how much I care about providing value to others and the way that I relate to those people to add value to their lives. Maybe Seth has it pegged.
Are any of you struggling with this as well? I’d like to know your take.
Interesting question, I often think ‘who am I’ I’m a dad, a husband and someone who combines both those things!
You are those things – absolutely but they are what you do and not the way you do it or the reason you do it. You are a dad – and your dad was/is a dad but your ‘dad’ and your dad’s ‘dad’ are very different. That is what I am trying to get at in the post.
Hi Ralph,
I suspect that being defined by one’s link to others is an inevitable oart of being in relationships with people. On the school yard I am my children’s mummy. At other times I am my parent’s daughter and my husband’s wife. I am a sister and a sister-in-law too. But at other times I can be a theology student, a musician, and even when I’m on here, whilst I am just me, I am always aware of being the voice of Give A Brick.
But your opening sentence of your final sentence reminded me of a quote I read today:
“The real measure of our wealth is now much we’d be worth if we lost all our money.”
I for one don’t want to be defined by who or what I have but by how I treat others.
Great post, thanks for making me think,
Eleanor
That’s what I was trying to say Eleanor. You are something no matter what role you happen to be filling at the time.
Hi Ralph!
Nice article, mate. The question: Who am I? Is not an easy one to answer. As your article states, and Eleanor backs up, we are a lot of things and take on a lot of different roles throughout our lives. Even, throughout our day. (I know I wear at least a dozen different hats in any given day).
But it is our actions that define us. We are what we do, not what we say.
Kind regards,
Steve.
Who am I… It’s one of those fun questions that have changing answers.
Guaranteed at any point in the day I’d give you a slightly different answer 🙂 Although some things remain fairly consistent, I’m still searching as well. At the moment I’d be most likely to describe myself as a 3D Student; though, oddly enough, that’s grown from meaning ‘I study 3D in college’ to meaning ‘I study 3D because I love it’. I’ll probably still take that title when I’m out working or doing whatever else in the future!
Steve and Heather,
Thanks for your comments. What I am learning is that it not just me that has trouble thinking about himself as what I do and not who I am. Maybe another way to approach the question is what gets me excited or more important what gets you excited.
Who am I…..
It’s interesting to see how others have responded to this post. I came by per-chance from James’ site to get a look see. I have to tell you I did a similar post a few days ago as well ‘How Did You End Up Where You’re at Today’ My past influences have been my family and friends as well as my environment but doesn’t necessarily define who I am. I think my belief system actually defines mostly who I am but I won’t stretch it out here. Nothing new or off the wall I might add though. Thanks, it gives me an idea on a new follow-up post to add to it.
Thanks for the comment. I will be off to check your perspective. Drop in again.
I’d like to think I know myself pretty well. I’m happy with the way my life turned out.
You were commenting about post titles on another blog. Suggestion for this post I would have went with Struggling to know yourself or Knowing Yourself
.-= Rose´s last blog ..Alexa Ranking Explained =-.
Rose,
Thanks for the feedback. I think I am getting the message that instead of trying to be clever, I just try to capture what the post is doing. KISS.(Keep it simple, stupid)
KISS is a great formula to follow.
.-= Rose´s last blog ..How to Use Google Wonder Wheel =-.
And now I need to learn more about the Wonder Wheel.