This is chapter 3 of my story. If you missed the earlier parts, follow the trail of my evolution.
The Transition Continues
When my contract ended, I first had to struggle with deciding who I was. For years I defined my self by my job. It wasn’t even a generic set of skills that composed my identity. They were very specific skills in the application of my rather arcane specialty. This marked me as special but it also meant that I was unemployable by my own definition. There are few available jobs for my specific skills at any given time. To find a job, I needed to repackage myself but I didn’t understand that at the time.
My Confidence was low
During my two year contract I had been working on more generic tasks, using my skills in different ways than I had during my career. I didn’t much like those functions but in my mind I had delivered value. My boss apparently felt differently. In any case after the termination of my contract, my confidence was low. I hadn’t proved my value. I felt like I had failed my family. I needed to make more money. I couldn’t support my lifestyle on retirement income alone. I had to do something, but what?
How about consulting?
My first thought was consulting. It is the job that seems ideal when you are an employee. Traveling around and telling people what to do with your expenses paid seems like the perfect life – when you are a bored employee stuck in routine tasks. The reality is very different. Consultants have to hype themselves and their abilities constantly. Laid-back modesty will starve. Consultants need to be out there and visible. They need to be seen solving problems. They need to position themselves as ‘cutting edge’. They also need connections. I had always told myself that networkers were superficial and refused to play the game. Now I was having second thoughts but I told myself that I was just not that kind of person and I never considered that it was possible to change.
Get a Job
For three years I tried various ways to earn income. I tried temp agencies, hoping that part time gigs would provide the additional income I needed without a full time job commitment. The talks were encouraging but I never got any jobs. I tried selling the services of an East Coast company related to my specialty with some success but the market changed and the income dried up. By this time, we were scraping along and close to falling off the edge. Finally my wife had had enough of my fumbling; and pulled me aside, “You need to get a job.” she told me.
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